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“LAUGHING IN THE DARK”

For the last couple of weeks, I was experiencing this horrific spinning sensation in my head. My balance was off, and I felt like I was on a merry-go-round with no control panel. It was later concluded that I had Vertigo………….V-E-R-T-I-G-O! If anyone is familiar with the ailment, it is listed under Idiopathic disorders, meaning there is no direct cause or cure for the ailment. Vertigo can occur for many or no reasons at all that are detectable. I immediately thought to my self, Oh Great!, there is no single cause and no immediate cure. How was I suppose to go about my regular daily routine, one being, chasing behind my three year that has endless energy?

My first indication that something was wrong with me was that when I woke up that Sunday morning, before my feet could hit the ground safely, everything around me began to shift and move. I mean everything was moving, except me.  Thank goodness I am not one to panic. I just closed my eyes, held on to my nightstand, and slid back on to my bed and called my for husband. Truly had I not sat back down, I would have fainted for sure, or hit the floor. Minutes turned to hours, yet I wasn’t getting any better. The constant moving sensation was almost unbearable.  The only way to accurately describe Vertigo, is a Merry-go-round that refuses to stop in your head. You can be sitting perfectly still, yet you feel as if you are uncontrollably  moving.

Later on in the day, I thought good of it to try and make it out of the bed. This time rising slowly, almost geriatric like just attempting to sit on the edge of my bed. Never have I been more thankful for my husband, who not only took care of our little tot, but assisted me in the miniscule tasks of walking down the hallway. Things that I have taken for granted because I was always privileged to do them, such as walking, dressing myself, going to the bathroom, etc., I was now at the mercy of my inability to do for myself. Being a serious thinker of the plights of other, I dared not complain. Although I found myself unsure when my good health would return or even if it would return, I recognized that there are people in this world who have been dealt hands far worse than I will ever know or experience. So, I write my reasoning on my blog because somewhere, someone is reading this and it may speak to their existence or current circumstances. Not all things in life will leave you tip toeing through the tulips, yet you can still make the best of any given situation. I keep in the forefront of my mind, that everything must change, and not always for the better, so sometimes we have to buckle up and hold on.

As the day turned to night and I was laying in bed, I found myself, laughing in the dark, for reasons unknown to me, just as my Idiopathic disorder. Keeping in mind that my biggest physical digressions in life have been the gravitational pull of the earth on my private parts, and with that being said, I became thankful for the new spin on life. LOL

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“Living on Purpose”

As I walked the downtown streets of Philadelphia, I felt a slight imperfection in my step, a limp of sorts.  It then occurred to me that my balance may be a little off this morning, which has happened from time to time. I would agree that a lot of my ailments literally and figuratively are apart of aging, not gracefully I suppose. I laugh at the thoughts I have in my head as if someone where listening. I surmounted that this would have to be the right amount of incentive needed to start working out for better health, and to shed a few added pounds.  In the moments passing through the sentiments in my head, I realize that I am standing at the corner of a green light, turned red. The indecisiveness the drivers have on their faces is understandable, because I was waiting to cross the street. For no reasons other than the fact that I was in deep thought, caused me to pause for the conversation in my head.

With my trance broken, I decided to turn around and enter this little diner on the corner instead of crossing the street.  Upon entering the diner, I silently wondered what was on the menu, and realized a simple breakfast sandwich would do, and I’m sure they had that. With curiosity no longer a  factor I motioned towards the counter, ordering a turkey, bacon, egg and cheese with mayo on wheat toast.  For a moment the lady behind the counter looked at me with questioning eyes, until she finally asked, did you say with mayo? I assured her that I did, and with that being said she called my order back to the cook. I have since ignored the surprising glances that I get when ordering a breakfast sandwich with mayonnaise, thus being the habit passed down from my mother’s mother.  I decided to sit in and have my breakfast there, while sharing in my favorite past time, “People” watching.   A man in a sky blue shirt and tie opened the door to the diner, just as a young mother chased her run away toddler past the threshold. The man being startled  by the intrusion wrestled to the side, as the mother brushed by him apologetically grabbing the child by the hand. As he reached the counter I could see that he was somewhat annoyed. He went on to order, black coffee with no sugar. I could only imagine what kind of morning would warrant black coffee, no sugar, and a large cup to contain it.  But with no facts on the circumstances of his life, guessing would prove to be a mindless task lacking importance.

The lady behind the counter gestured that my order was ready. I picked up my sandwich and proceeded to sit back at the table, when I noticed an older gentleman enter the door with his arm bandaged in a cast past his elbow. He had a brief case in his good hand, which was somewhat strange to see.  I thought for a second that he may have gotten injured that day for sure, because who would work in such a condition?  I pretended not to notice that once he left the counter, he headed straight for my table. I could see the shadow of his image getting closer and closer, until his voice forced me to acknowledge his presence.  He asked if he could sit down, I told him sure, feel free.  I looked uncomfortably from side to side noticing that there were other seats available, so why did he choose the table I was occupying? As strange as this man siting at my table was, the word Purpose came to my mind. And how everything in life has a purpose whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.  The man started to speak and it began to shed light on his semi intrusion.  Gary as he informed me his name was, told me that he was in town for business. He flew in from Columbus, Ohio this morning. As the conversation matured, I asked him why didn’t he reschedule his meeting being that he looked to be in bad shape. I was told that he scheduled this meeting so far in advanced and that he couldn’t afford not to make it, being that his business depended on it. I found myself woven in the details of his plight and went back to the word in my head..Purpose.  I sat there searching his wanting eyes for some sign of hope that after his meeting things would miraculously fall into place for my new found friend, yet Gary confirmed his weariness in his next sentence. He went on to say that he had been chasing dreams all of his life and it’s about time to give it up. I dared not guess his age for fear of offending him, just as life had.  In the midst of his reflection, I saw so many of my own loved ones struggles and fading dreams….The word surfaced again in my head, this time acknowledging the Purpose of my own life, reflecting on the day I started living and burying “barely surviving” in the grave. I wished wholeheartedly for some words to give to my weary friend and decided to give him the quote that breathed a sigh of relief in my aching soul, “A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams” -John Barrymoore. With that being revealed to me some years ago, I told Gary that  I began, “Living on Purpose” , and you can too!

Don’t Miss: Morning at Iceland’s Blue Lagoon

Don’t Miss: Morning at Iceland’s Blue Lagoon.

“Dancing in the Rain”

Just the other day a friend of mine asked me, Have you ever danced in the rain? I frowned a little thinking to myself, why would I ever do that? I thought of a thousand reasons why this wouldn’t make any sense or serve any purpose to me. Besides that, my hair would get wet and that would be a disaster.

From the time that I was a child, I was always taught, scolded, and trained to come in from the rain for fear of getting pneumonia or whooping cough, besides the fact that it’s raining cats and dogs out there. I chuckle at the grey areas of childhood beliefs. So now that I was confronted with Dancing in the rain, as much as I referred to the reasoning of ole, what harm would it do? Really? I am sure that there was a reason that I was asked the question in the first place, although I chose not to ask. So as I sat in my office, I could hear the faint sounds of rain tip toeing on the shingle on my rooftop. I tilted my head to the side with child like curiosity, and I thought, why not? I got my flip flops out of the closet and headed for the front door, imagination in tact. When I got to the door, I stood there for a second in contemplation..What will the neighbors think? “Who cares!”, as I threw caution to the wind, stepping out of my comfort zone,… and danced in the rain. For the first time in my life I wasn’t trying to run between raindrops, and it was intentionally wonderful and freeing. I took all of my childhood reservations with me, and let go of each and every reason, Not to!

I speak of this instant in my life because, I have recalled over the years how other people’s reasoning would effect whether or not I would take a chance. There have been many opportunities that I have let come and go for fear of what I’ve been taught to not agree with or against.  But until I threw, and we throw caution to the wind and simply, dance in the rain, we may never know what will awaken the passion in our souls….granting us one more chance to get it right.

The Simple beauty of Life…being thankful.

I woke up this morning to the sound of my three year, saying “Mommy turn around”. I have yet to take down her crib and convert it into a daybed in her own room, being that she doesn’t sleep well unless I am in the room with her. So I complied with the little voice calling my name. She is surprised each time at the response she receives as I turn around wide eye, as if I were awake the whole time, surges my excitement as well. I am always taken back to the time that she was born. You see, Noni as we call her, was born two months premature. I remember laying eyes on her for the first time and thinking, “Oh God”, she is so tiny. I think that I was in shock at the fact that she could be held with one hand. I didn’t get to hold her after she was born. Her heart was very weak and she had to be rushed to the Nic Unit. So there I was in the coldness of the operating room left with all of my fears and the what-ifs. If anyone has ever been faced with the confrontation of a possible life or death situation, you become forced to acknowledge the fragility and preciousness of life. It was two day before I could see my precious little Noni. I know for certain that it was the longest two days that I have ever experienced. It was as if there were more hours in a day because I was waiting. I have to say that I was never sad during the wait, just relentlessly hopeful. When I was finally able to see Noni, I just needed her to know in whatever certainty I could muster up, “I was here, and this is where I would be everyday until she was able to come home.” So that was my message every time I would visit her. “Mommy’s here”. I mention this story because, I reference it to all of the things and happenings in my life that I may have taken for granted or overlooked, or not paid enough attention to. That one moment in the birth of my daughter, my third child, transcended me in to a world of “Thankfulness”. No longer would I think of the the pettiness of anything that has fallen short or will fall short of my expectations any longer. That moment in time became my time to wake up to my life and those around me, and simply, breathe.  And for that I am “Thankful“.

FREE YOUR MIND

I started this blog so that artist, and writers could free their mind openly and objectively without biased opinions that offend the persons expressing themselves. I write to inspire and encourage a world of readers that has lost sight on the preciousness of why we are here.  I encourage each of my fellow bloggers  to just join in and free yourself. No topic of discussion is off limits, unless it is determined to be hurtful or with prejudices to race, religion, gender, and sexual orientation.  So with that being said, free yourself people.

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